Nana’s House Rules: Our Top 10 Guiding Principles
We all have rules we live by. Some rules are simple, others are more complex. Simple rules can, at times, be so obvious that many people think of them as common sense. There are also unspoken rules, the ones that just are. When we think about it, there are rules everywhere we go, and in every situation, we find ourselves in. Many rules are overarching and must be followed in all situations. Rules are there for a reason even if we can’t figure out what the reason is. When we all follow the rules things usually go smoothly.
What are guiding principles at Nana’s House?
Nana’s house rules are in addition to the rules of society that must be followed to get along in the world and stay out of trouble. They are guiding principles that form our family culture. Many of the guiding principles have been in our family for generations. They have been tweaked over time, added to and reworded to help the new generation understand them. Some of the principles are forgotten for a while and then brought back out, dusted off, and used again. We don’t post the guiding principles; we live by them the best we can. We talk about them in day to day conversation. We lead by example, so the next generation learns them as they grow.
1. Safety first
Protecting your personal safety and the safety of others is paramount. How do we know if something is safe to do or not? Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” If the answer to this question is bodily injury requiring medical attention, then its not safe. If the answer is property damage including fire, floods, and broken stuff, then its not safe. Safety requires thought. Nana’s house rule number one is safety first, the “think first” part is one of the overarching foundational rules that should be intuitive or common sense – sometimes it’s not. That’s why it’s important that we’re all in it together, we remind one another.
Safety first is a big-ticket item that comes with a lot of responsibility.
2. Err on the Side of Caution
You’ve thought about safety and decided on a course of action. You might have forgotten an important variable (age, pets, interruptions), or you “think” it “should” be safe. This is when you should err on the side of caution or stop all together – minimize risk of harm, expense or accident. The bigger the risk the fewer chances you should take. I know if I let my 4-year-old grandson help me bake and I let him crack the eggs there is a pretty good chance that some eggs will get wasted. Oh well, we have lots of eggs. I also know he will want to help do EVERYTHING but that is not possible. He could get hurt badly if he tries to put the cupcakes in a hot oven. Therefore, he can crack the eggs and only do the parts that he won’t get hurt doing. I’m erring on the side of caution. I don’t say no to him helping with the whole process, only parts of it.
3. Be Polite
Always say please and thank you and be considerate of others. Help out where you can, pick up after yourself, keep you voice down, and let others have a turn at talking. If you can’t say anything nice; don’t say anything at all. Be respectful of others, their situations and idiosyncrasies.
4. Look on the Bright Side – glass half-full
Some days and situations can be challenging. When we look at challenges with the glass half-full perspective, life is sending us opportunities. It could be the opportunity to try something new, a new job, a different approach or something new to learn. If we can’t see the bright side our self, hopefully one of our family members will help us find it. There is always a bright side, sometimes you must look hard to find it, but it is there. The glass half-full attitude or optimism is known to have many benefits for individuals and groups. It can promote happiness, reduce stress, enhance your social life, and add years to your life. This level of optimism has been a part of our family culture for generations which may partially explain our family history of longevity.
5. Have Fun
When you’re a cautious optimist chances are you have a lot of fun. You keep yourself and your family out of trouble for the most part and you don’t let life’s little trials get you down. You can laugh at yourself. The stage is set to have fun! It’s okay to complain about things that are bothering you and seek family support – vent and move on. Look at the bright side and move to more positive things like being silly and playing with the younger family members. The little ones learn from us but, more importantly we learn how to laugh and be creative from them.
6. Take Your Time
Did you know that time is your most valuable resource and the biggest present you can give to someone? It really hit home to me when I watched an elderly lady receive a potted plant from her daughter. The daughter whirled into the room, placed a lovely potted plant beside her mother, and hurriedly tidied up a bit before leaving as quickly as she arrived. I said to the woman, “what a beautiful plant!” The elderly woman looked at me with a tear in her eye and said, “I wish she would save her money and just stay and have a cup of coffee with me.” We’re all in a hurry and lots of things to do. We must remember that the people in our lives come first and we show them that by spending time to converse with them. You never know what they might be waiting to tell you. The time you take to have a coffee and a conversation might mean the world of difference to them.
7. Share
Sharing is how we get to know one another and build strong bonds. Trust and sharing go hand in hand. If you can’t be trusted to have some discretion about who you share the stories with that you hear around Nana’s House; you won’t be privy to the meaningful (good) ones. Sharing is a two-way street. Everyone gets a turn to share, and to listen. If what you have to share is a little gloomy, chances are that one of us around the table will make a comment to lighten the mood and help you see the glass half full. Sharing isn’t limited to conversation. There’s lots to do when everyone gets together at Nana’s House. There are meals to prepare and children to look after. Everyone pitches in and helps because it’s true that many hands make light work and many eyes keep our kids safe.
8. Be Real
Real people do real things and make real mistakes; that’s okay. Real people have more going on in their lives than worrying about weather patterns or what some guy at the store did. Real people talk about their own lives and how it makes them feel. When real people discuss real situations with their closest friends and family it’s therapeutic for them in many ways. It gives them an opportunity to reflect on their situation and grow from it, they get confirmation from others that they are on the right track, or they get suggestions about how to get back on track. In the end, real people build closer bonds and deeper trust with the people they are sharing with. Being real sometimes requires a little personal risk but the gain in personal growth outweighs the risk. Phoney people have shallow conversations and spend more time covering up their misgivings by deflecting blame to others. Phoney people are the heroes in their own stories and are usually predictable and very tedious conversationalists.
9. Be in the Moment
Put your phone down! Rid yourself of unnecessary distractions. Take some time to spend with others.
10. Hug and make up.
We all mess up from time to time. Saying, “I’m sorry” goes a long way. Sometimes a hug helps. Learn from the incident. Move on. Try to forgive and forget.
All 10 principals are inter-connected. If you flub one, chances are you missed the mark on several.
Let’s use not being present in the moment by cruising social media on your mobile device to show the interconnectedness of the guiding principles. Okay, you’re being real and making a real mistake. However, you’re not being polite. You’re also not giving your time to the people that love you and are giving you their time. You’re not sharing in the conversation, childcare or the work. You may be half listening to the conversation and miss out on the meaning or an important caveat like “this is still confidential”. Before you know it, you’ve shared misinformation with whomever you were chatting with on social media. Yup, you blew it. Now, you must figure out how to make up for everything. This one might take more than a hug. You’ll have to take some time to reflect on the behaviour that let the rest of the group down. You’ll have to prove yourself and regain trust by following the principles next time everyone is together.
None of us at Nana’s House follow all the guiding principles all the time. None of us are perfect. We’re better at following some of them than others. Most important is that we keep trying and we keep learning.